


The Story Of One Winter.

by emiswuxian



Category: Given (Anime), Given (Manga)
Genre: Angst, Heavy Angst, M/M, Other, Please Don't Hate Me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-20
Updated: 2021-01-20
Packaged: 2021-03-18 12:14:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28866834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emiswuxian/pseuds/emiswuxian
Summary: Yuki's last actions before his final breath.
Relationships: Satou Mafuyu/Yoshida Yuuki
Comments: 2
Kudos: 18





	The Story Of One Winter.

"Would you die for me then?!", Mafuyu yelled. 

His pent up anger burned at his finger tips. He was frustrated at Yuki. Frustrated for not voicing his thoughts. Frustrated for not communicating properly. Frustrated at the cold distance that had grown in between them. The current winter couldn't compare to how cold it had grown in between them. 

Yuki flinched, his hand falling off of the salmon haired boy's shoulder. Hiiragi watched in silence along with Shizusumi. 

To them and most likely to any innocent pedestrian, it seemed like a petty fight. A fight that most "teenagers" would've had with their friends or partners once in a lifetime. To Mafuyu and Yuki, it was a lot more.

For Mafuyu, he had chosen those words carefully. He never talked, keeping his opinions closed off until it was necessary to voice them out. The only time he knew how to voice his opinions was to make a statement from all of the pain that had constantly built up within him over the past 16 years of his life. 

To Yuki, he knew that any words coming out of Mafuyu's mouth in the current situation would have led to his demise. Yuki knew all of the sharp words that Mafuyu used on him. Not saying that Mafuyu ever did use incredibly harsh words but when he did, it scared Yuki. It scared him knowing what his small, petite and docile boyfriend was capable of. The boyfriend that he wanted to dedicate his entire life to.

Suddenly, the words that Mafuyu had chosen to voice out broke the final string inside of his heart.

His guitar was no longer in tact. 

Over the years, his heart would get tattered, used, just like your standard guitar. Eventually, the strings would wear out and would snap. Those six words managed to snap the last string inside of him. If you asked Yuki why he compared his heart to a guitar, this is what he'd say. "Music is my life. Therefore, the strings of my 'guitar' represent each fundamental quality in my life." He'd say this proudly with a bright, toothy grin.

"The low E string represents my family and friends; the solid and hard foundation. The A string represents my logical reasoning; sort of like a mellow sound that helps me clear my mind and to reason with it in case it gets clouded with my emotion. The D string represents my sensibility; a soft sound that comes right after the previous string to go hand-in-hand with my logical reasoning in case it's too harsh or blunt. The G string represents my emotions; a more higher pitched sound which pretty much resembles how my emotions can have a calm sound yet in a flash, it can turn sour."

Around this time during his explanation, he would look fondly at his guitar. If by chance he didn't have his guitar nearby, which is rare, he'd look off fondly, reminiscing it before continuing with the explanation of the last two strings. "The B string represents my aspirations; that certain sound sort of represent how high my expectations are for myself, how high I must push myself in order to reach them." 

A giggle would escape his mouth. "Finally, the high E string represents Mafuyu; the person who I hold most dear to my heart, my angel from the heavens, which is why it's a higher octave!" When he first explained this to his friends, they teased him for being so cheesy but really, they were once more surprised by the great Yoshida Yuki. 

When is it that, that brain of his wouldn't think of something so clever. To him, everything correlated to music. Simply put, music was his life.

Mafuyu and Yuki were set in a rhythm together ever since they had met. It was always steady. Increasing and decreasing its pace in unison. However, during these past few months they've slowly grown out of synchronization. 

Yuki's rhythm started to get gradually slower while Mafuyu's started to get faster. While Mafuyu's rhythm started to crescendo due to the anxiety of not having Yuki beside him, Yuki's rhythm started to decrescendo due to his life going downhill.

No one realized that he was struggling due to his domineering personality. No one realized that someone like him could've ever felt that way. Yuki walked away from Mafuyu, placing that hand onto Hiiragi's shoulder. "Let's go, it's nothing," he simply said. Hiiragi glanced between him and Mafuyu.

By then, Mafuyu had begun walking away, his back completely turned against the three of them.

Yuki had begun walking forward, causing both Hiiragi and Shizusumi to tail behind him. Hiiragi glanced over at Shizusumi, a worried icing over his face. Almost as if he was saying, "Was this the right choice?" Shizusumi was unsure as he too was just as worried. 

Mafuyu was furious, but not at Yuki. He was furious at himself for blowing up on him like that. That was no way for him to act in front of someone who has given Mafuyu his everything. Yuki wouldn't have the heart to even talk to Mafuyu during this time. 

Mafuyu managed to seclude himself to the point where he was completely alone. He let out a shaky breath which became a fog as he felt his eyes water slightly. He refused to cry so instead he went into the train station, disappearing onto the platform.

•

Yuki and Mafuyu had a shared apartment. Whenever they had an issue, Mafuyu would go to his mother's apartment in Kawaguchi. It was somewhat close to Tokyo but still relatively far. It wasn't uncommon for them to argue but Mafuyu wouldn't really leave the apartment unless something really bad had happened.

As Yuki walked into the silent apartment, he felt his heart shatter softly. The strings were no longer there. There was now no sound that would ever vibrate to create resonance anymore. He felt himself grip the bag of sake that he had purchased from a 7-eleven. 

He had never taken a sip of alcohol before and he never intended to. However, things change when your tempo is offbeat. Yuki took his shoes off, walking to his shared room with Mafuyu.

The lingering scent of his boyfriend in the air made his eyes water with regret. He absolutely adored Mafuyu, he loved him so much that he would do anything for him. The amount of sacrifices he's made for everyone, especially Mafuyu, had begun to take a toll on him ever since he entered his final year in middle school.

Everyone knew him as this domineering character, someone who would take control of any situation. Yet, Yuki had no one who would take control of his situation and he didn't want them to either. When Mafuyu had tried to do so, he would feel terrible for burdening his boyfriend. Setting his things down, Yuki began to disarray his room.

Yuki wanted it to be messy, representing everything that he was currently feeling, all of it completely jumbled up. Contrary to popular belief, Yuki hated messes. That's most likely why he despised himself.

After he was satisfied with the disheveled state of the room, he loosened his tie and took of his jacket, throwing them wherever they decided to land. Yuki walked over the mess and headed to the his corner of the room where his belongings were. 

He took out a piece of paper and a pen, sitting down at the desk to write a note for whomever would find him. As he did this, his eyes watered. He knew that it was going to affect the people who cared about him but he couldn't bare to put them through pain any longer. 

When he finished the note, he stared at it before crumpling it up and throwing it onto the floor. He was not satisfied. Again and again, he wrote note after note but it wasn't enough. Yuki turned around in his chair only to see seven crumpled up notes on the ground.

With a sigh, he stood up and walked over to the bag of alcohol. He took out one can and tried his best to drink it all in one go, only to choke at the intensity of the sake. "How the hell do people drink this..?", he muttered angrily to himself.

Yuki grumbled and sighed. Before Mafuyu would arrive the next day, he needed to do it quick. If anything, Mafuyu might be back in the next hour. Shakily, he got back up, stumbling to his drawer as he pulled out a rope. He remembered this rope, he wanted to try out shibari on Mafuyu, non-sexually, only because he was curious.

He ended up failing, grumbling angrily as Mafuyu tried his best to console him, despite the fact that his hand was tied to his leg. 

His eyes watered at the thought of leaving Mafuyu behind. He didn't want to leave Mafuyu alone but he absolutely knew that Mafuyu would find someone better. Yuki was able to give him the support that he needed in order to fly on his own. Despite the fact that Mafuyu was dependent on Yuki, he had the capability to be independent on his own, something that Yuki would never be able to do.

With shaky hands, Yuki began tying the knot that would later end his life. His eyes watered as he recalled the memories of his past. Originally, Yuki had met Hiiragi first, going to the same kindergarten meant that they were virtually friends since birth. 

They got along quite well, Hiiragi never judged him for never having a father figure in his life. "It's okay, after all if you wanna' have one then you can always have a sleepover at my place!", a young Hiiragi declared proudly.

A huff escaped Yuki's mouth, a smile and a tear slowly followed afterwards. He then met Mafuyu underneath a tree one summer afternoon. Poor Mafuyu had multiple bruises underneath his baggy clothing. Yuki held his hand as they watched Mafuyu's father get arrested for domestic violence.

Their mothers then became friends. Eventually, Shizusumi joined the kindergarten a year later, mostly following behind Hiiragi.

Both Mafuyu and Shizusumi were known as the quiet ones while Hiiragi and Yuki were known as the more playful and mischievous ones. Even if they had this group, Mafuyu and Yuki were always together.

Despite the fact that Yuki had to take care of everyone and everything, he had to take care of Mafuyu the most. They've never clarified their relationship with each other, simply going along with the flow. Yuki thought back to that, knowing how problematic that must've been.

They never exchanged the initial "I love you's" despite the fact that they've managed to get intimate in their relationship. Yuki thought about his mother, how hard she worked in order to support his love for music.

He smiled, feeling another tear roll down his cheek as he realized that his mother could begin living for herself as she currently in the process of doing. He wrote a note for her, placing it inside of his guitar case. 

Speaking of his guitar, he took it out, popping open the rest of the bottles of sake as he begun strumming the song that he had wanted to write for Mafuyu. He should've written a song with him instead of for him. He knew that he shouldn't have left him out.

Yuki took a deep breath and hummed the song as he strummed the chords, feeling himself grow more tipsy. He knew that one day, someone would help Mafuyu finish this song in a better way. Someone, someday. 

After he finished the song, he placed his guitar down gently onto the floor, stumbling into a standing position as he grabbed a chair. He looked up at the ceiling and found the hook that he and Mafuyu usually used for laundry.

He stood on top of the chair and tied the noose onto the hook. Yuki had wondered when he had gained the knowledge to tie the knot. 

As he crushed the cans of alcohol he thought back to when he was 12, angry and frustrated with the fact that he had carelessly let his guitar string snap. He was furious at himself for committing such an action that would bend his mother's back just to buy new ones.

Originally, he looked up how to fix guitar strings on his own when the computer suggested him a video on various types of knot-tying.

The previous anger had dissipated and the young 12 year old Yuki had watched the video with curiosity, swinging his legs back and forth. It was then that he came across the noose. He had seen it before when the news had reported on this elderly man that had ended his own life in his apartment.

Young Yuki had grown curious of it and managed to follow the video tutorial, memorizing the steps. 

At the time, he knew that he would never use it for something so trivial. Instead, he learned it in order to untie the knot just in case he ever saw someone with it. Who would've guessed that Yuki would use it on himself with no 'young Yuki' to rescue him. 

With a deep breath, he slipped his head through the hole. He looked down at the chair he was currently standing on and climbed up even higher on it. The rope was now loose against his neck as his head was touching the ceiling of the apartment. 

With a jump, he relaxed into it. The last thing Yuki ever heard was the fall of his chair and the crack of his spine. A loud ringing noise echoed in his ears as his life went static. No more sound, no more music. Just complete and utter silence.

•

"Dear Mother,   
Forgive me for being so selfish.  
I want you to finally live the life that you deserve to, without worrying about me.  
You've taken care of me for as long as I can remember, even on your own! (lol)

Live the life that you want to live.  
Live for me, something I couldn't do.

If you ever find this note inside of my guitar case, please give the guitar to Mafuyu, make sure he gets it.   
I want him to take a piece of him with me that would always be with him no matter what happens in the future.   
Just for his protection, hehe.

I love you mom.  
Forever and always,  
Your favorite son.  
-Yoshida Yuki (lol sexy name this one)"

**Author's Note:**

> I was insanely curious on Yuki's character study so I tried to make my own fanfiction of it!! Don't hate me please I love all of the Given characters and this is a really old drabble. :')
> 
> Some of it makes no sense but I hope you guys enjoyed it anyways!!
> 
> P. S. I didnt proofread HAHA.


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